Friends老友记 S01E01:The One Where Monica Gets 6park.comThe One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version) 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.] 6park.com 6park.comMonica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! 6park.com 6park.comJoey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him! 6park.com 6park.comChandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? 6park.com 6park.com(They all stare, bemused.) 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Sounds like a date to me. 6park.com 6park.com[Time Lapse] 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked. 6park.com 6park.comAll: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Instead of...? 6park.com 6park.comChandler: That's right. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Never had that dream. 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: No. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: And they weren't looking at you before?! 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me! 6park.com 6park.com[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.] 6park.com 6park.comRoss: (mortified) Hi. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Are you okay, sweetie? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck... 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Cookie? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Ohh. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Thanks. 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.) 6park.com 6park.comRoss: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay? 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Fine! Be murky! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: No you don't. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me! 6park.com 6park.comJoey: And you never knew she was a lesbian... 6park.com 6park.comRoss: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know? 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Sorry. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is? 6park.com 6park.com(Ross gestures his consent.) 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again! 6park.com 6park.com(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.) 6park.com 6park.comChandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.) 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Rachel?! 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are! 6park.com 6park.comWaitress: Can I get you some coffee? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Hi, sure! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Hi. 6park.com 6park.com(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.) 6park.com 6park.comMonica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... [Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.] 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me! 6park.com 6park.com(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.) 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants. Joey: I say push her down the stairs. Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! 6park.com 6park.com(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.) 6park.com 6park.comRachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: You can see where he'd have trouble. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica... 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!! 6park.com 6park.com[Time Lapse, Rachel is breating into a paper bag.] 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of nice calm things... Phoebe: (sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens, (Rachel and Monica turn to look at her.) bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...something and noodles with string. These are a few... 6park.com 6park.comRachel: I'm all better now. 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: (grins and walks to the kitchen and says to Chandler and Joey.) I helped! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life. The whole, 'hat' thing. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: (comforting her) And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Joey. Me and Chandler live across the hall. And he's away a lot. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Joey, stop hitting on her! It's her wedding day! 6park.com 6park.comJoey: What, like there's a rule or something? 6park.com 6park.com(The door buzzer sounds and Chandler gets it.) 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound. 6park.com 6park.comPaul: (over the intercom) It's, uh, it's Paul. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Oh God, is it 6:30? Buzz him in! 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Who's Paul? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Paul the Wine Guy, Paul? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Maybe. Joey: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: He finally asked you out? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Yes! 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Rach, wait, I can cancel... 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Please, no, go, that'd be fine! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (to Ross) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: (choked voice) That'd be good... 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (horrified) Really? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: (normal voice) No, go on! It's Paul the Wine Guy! 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or just complain a lot? (Chandler doesn't know.) 6park.com 6park.com(There's a knock on the door and it's Paul.) 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Hi, come in! Paul, this is.. (They are all lined up next to the door.)... everybody, everybody, this is Paul. 6park.com 6park.comAll: Hey! Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey! 6park.com 6park.comChandler: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Okay, umm-umm, I'll just--I'll be right back, I just gotta go ah, go ah... 6park.com 6park.comRoss: A wandering? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Change! Okay, sit down. (Shows Paul in) Two seconds. 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good. 6park.com 6park.com(Monica goes to change.) 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Hey, Paul! 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Yeah? 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Here's a little tip, she really likes it when you rub her neck in the same spot over and over and over again until it starts to get a little red. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (yelling from the bedroom) Shut up, Joey! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: So Rachel, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your- (thinks) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my new furniture. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: (deadpan) Yes, and we're very excited about it. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight. It's been kinda a long day. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Okay, sure. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Hey Pheebs, you wanna help? 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to. 6park.com 6park.comCommercial Break 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: The Subway, Phoebe is singing for change.] 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: (singing) Love is sweet as summer showers, love is a wondrous work of art, but your love oh your love, your love...is like a giant pigeon...crapping on my heart. La-la-la-la-la- (some guy gives her some change and to that guy) Thank you. (sings) La-la-la-la...ohhh! 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Ross's Apartment, the guys are there assembling furniture.] 6park.com 6park.comRoss: (squatting and reading the instructions) I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no whim guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs. 6park.com 6park.com(Joey and Chandler are finishing assembling the bookcase.) 6park.com 6park.comJoey: I'm thinking we've got a bookcase here. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: It's a beautiful thing. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: (picking up a leftover part) What's this? 6park.com 6park.comChandler: I would have to say that is an 'L'-shaped bracket. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Which goes where? 6park.com 6park.comChandler: I have no idea. 6park.com 6park.com(Joey checks that Ross is not looking and dumps it in a plant.) 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Done with the bookcase! 6park.com 6park.comChandler: All finished! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: (clutching a beer can and sniffing) This was Carol's favorite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Hey-hey-hey-hey, if you're gonna start with that stuff we're outta here. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Yes, please don't spoil all this fun. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Ross, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: You guys. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Oh, God. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: You got screwed. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Oh my God! 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are eating.] 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Oh my God! 6park.com 6park.comPaul: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: My brother's going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it? 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her- 6park.com 6park.comMonica: -leg? 6park.com 6park.comPaul: (laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: You actually broke her watch? Wow! The worst thing I ever did was, I-I shredded by boyfriend's favorite bath towel. 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Ooh, steer clear of you. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: That's right. [Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is talking on the phone and pacing.] 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Barry, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju- (She stops talking and dials the phone.) Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...look, look, I know that some girl is going to be incredibly lucky to become Mrs. Barry Finkel, but it isn't me, it's not me. And not that I have any idea who me is right now, but you just have to give me a chance too... (The maching cuts her off again and she redials.) 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler are working on some more furniture.] 6park.com 6park.comRoss: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced! 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Shut up! 6park.com 6park.comChandler: You must stop! (Chandler hits what he is working on with a hammer and it collapses.) 6park.com 6park.comRoss: That only took me an hour. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her... 6park.com 6park.comJoey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon! 6park.com 6park.comRoss: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Stay out of my freezer! [Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.] 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh... 6park.com 6park.comMonica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles? 6park.com 6park.comPaul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date? 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Isn't there? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say? 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform. (Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (spitting out her drink in shock) Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry... 6park.com 6park.comPaul: It's okay... 6park.com 6park.comMonica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now. Um... how long? 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Two years. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch! 6park.com 6park.comPaul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do. 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.] 6park.com 6park.comPriest on TV: We are gathered here today to join Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles, Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference! 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.] 6park.com 6park.comRoss: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you? 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go, I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea... Oh man, (looks to Chandler) 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.) 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask? (He gazes out of the window.) 6park.com 6park.com[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.] 6park.com 6park.comCommercial Break 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.] 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: That is amazing. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Congratulations. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee, there isn't anything I can't do. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelet or something... (Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.) Although actually I'm really not that hungry... 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here. 6park.com 6park.comAll: Morning. Good morning. 6park.com 6park.comPaul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Morning, Paul. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Hello, Paul. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Hi, Paul, is it? 6park.com 6park.com(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.) 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Thank you! Thank you so much! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Stop! 6park.com 6park.comPaul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays, both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: We'll talk later. 6park.com 6park.comPaul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits) 6park.com 6park.comJoey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Shut up, and put my table back. 6park.com 6park.comAll: Okayyy! (They do so.) 6park.com 6park.comChandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference... 6park.com 6park.comRachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Yeah, I'm an actor. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything? 6park.com 6park.comJoey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Look, it was a job all right? 6park.com 6park.comChandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.' 6park.com 6park.comJoey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.) 6park.com 6park.comChandler: You're right, I'm sorry. (Burst into song and dances out of the door.) "Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..." 6park.com 6park.comJoey: You should both know, that he's a dead man. Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.) Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry? I can't stop smiling. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Oh, yeah. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Well, it's like that. With feelings. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Big time! 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here. Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Oh, look, wish me luck! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: What for? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things. 6park.com 6park.com(Monica exits.) 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.] 6park.com 6park.comFrannie: Hey, Monica! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida? 6park.com 6park.comFrannie: You had sex, didn't you? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: How do you do that? 6park.com 6park.comFrannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle and you're having sex! So? Who? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: You know Paul? 6park.com 6park.comFrannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul? 6park.com 6park.comFrannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years. 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.] 6park.com 6park.comJoey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: I hate men! I hate men! 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear? 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.) 6park.com 6park.comMonica: I just thought he was nice, y'know? 6park.com 6park.comJoey: (bursts out laughing again) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line! 6park.com 6park.com(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as Rachel enters with a shopping bag.) 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Guess what? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: You got a job? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off! 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Oh, how well you know me... 6park.com 6park.comRachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: How'd you pay for them? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Uh, credit card. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: And who pays for that? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Um... my... father. 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is sitting around the kitchen table. Rachel's credit cards are spread out on the table along with a pair of scissors.] 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Oh God, come on you guys, is this really necessary? I mean, I can stop charging anytime I want. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: C'mon, you can't live off your parents your whole life. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: I know that. That's why I was getting married. 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Thank you. 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel. 6park.com 6park.com(Pause) 6park.com 6park.comRoss: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'... 6park.com 6park.comMonica: All right, you ready? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: No. No, no, I'm not ready! How can I be ready? "Hey, Rach! You ready to jump out the airplane without your parachute?" Come on, I can't do this! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: You can, I know you can! 6park.com 6park.comRachel: I don't think so. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Come on, you made coffee! You can do anything! (Chandler slowly tries to hide the now dead plant from that morning when he and Joey poured their coffee into it.) 6park.com 6park.comRoss: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,... 6park.com 6park.comAll: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut... (She cuts one of them and they cheer.) 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Y'know what? I think we can just leave it at that. It's kinda like a symbolic gesture... 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Rachel! That was a library card! 6park.com 6park.comAll: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: (as Rachel is cutting up her cards) Y'know, if you listen closely, you can hear a thousand retailers scream. 6park.com 6park.com(She finishes cutting them up and they all cheer.) 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it! 6park.com 6park.com[Time Lapse, Rachel and Ross are watching a TV channel finishes it's broadcast day by playing the national anthem.] 6park.com 6park.comMonica: Well, that's it (To Ross) You gonna crash on the couch? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: No. No, I gotta go home sometime. 6park.com 6park.comMonica: You be okay? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Yeah. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Hey Mon, look what I just found on the floor. (Monica smiles.) What? 6park.com 6park.comMonica: That's Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody. 6park.com 6park.comRoss and Rachel: Goodnight. 6park.com 6park.com(Monica stomps on Paul's watch and goes into her room.) 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Mmm. (They both reach for the last cookie) Oh, no- 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Sorry- 6park.com 6park.comRoss: No no no, go- 6park.com 6park.comRachel: No, you have it, really, I don't want it- 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Split it? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Okay. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Okay. (They split it.) You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: I knew. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: I did. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Yeah, maybe... 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Okay... okay, maybe I will... 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Goodnight. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: Goodnight. 6park.com 6park.com(Rachel goes into her room and Monica enters the living room as Ross is leaving.) 6park.com 6park.comMonica: See ya.... Waitwait, what's with you? 6park.com 6park.comRoss: I just grabbed a spoon. (Ross exits and Monica has no idea what that means.) 6park.com 6park.comClosing Credits 6park.com 6park.com[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.] 6park.com 6park.comJoey: I can't believe what I'm hearing here. 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: (sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here... 6park.com 6park.comMonica: What? I-I said you had a- 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: (sings) What I said you had... 6park.com 6park.comMonica: (to Phoebe) Would you stop? 6park.com 6park.comPhoebe: Oh, was I doing it again? 6park.com 6park.comAll: Yes! 6park.com 6park.comMonica: I said that you had a nice butt, it's just not a great butt. 6park.com 6park.comJoey: Oh, you wouldn't know a great butt if it came up and bit ya. 6park.com 6park.comRoss: There's an image. 6park.com 6park.comRachel: (walks up with a pot of coffee) Would anybody like more coffee? 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Did you make it, or are you just serving it? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: I'm just serving it. 6park.com 6park.comAll: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. (Rachel sits down to hear Chandler's dream.) 6park.com 6park.comCustomer: (To Rachel) Ahh, miss? More coffee? 6park.com 6park.comRachel: Ugh. (To another customer that's leaving.) Excuse me, could you give this to that guy over there? (Hands him the coffee pot.) Go ahead. (He does so.) Thank you. (To the gang.) Sorry. Okay, Las Vegas. 6park.com 6park.comChandler: Okay, so, I'm in Las Vegas... I'm Liza Minelli- 6park.com